A poem: show me yours, I’ll show you mine.

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I wanted to tell you something, I thought about writing a letter, But I know you think I’m boring, So I thought a poem might be better. Believe it or not, I haven’t written someone a poem before, Limirick, haiku, couplet or sonnet, Never – especially not for someone I now deplore, Before it turned sour, […]

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Dating haikus

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Fleeting and often disappointing, haikus are much like my love life. Think of me like Sylvia Plath, but with Tinder.

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“I don’t like the crusts.”

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I come from a conventional family; meet the wealthy love of your life by 23, provide your parents with grandchildren by 25, stay at home to create a haven for said husband and children, and when you can’t take the screaming brats any longer, get a part-time desk job at a soulless corporate firm. To […]

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10 times I’ve been the worst to men

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Once upon a time, a boy I don’t particularly like tried to catch me out. He’d seen an article I’d written about a terrible date and decided to take to Facebook: “have you ever wondered whether you’re the reason why it never works out?”. As narcissistic as you may think I am, I am not entirely […]

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10 backhanded compliments I’ve been given on dates

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When it’s not your family dressing up insults as compliments (you look well – I mean, you look healthy. Rounded in the face. You understand?), you can always rely on first dates to quash your self-esteem. With Christmas and weight-gain just around the corner, I’ve rounded up my top ten backhanded compliments to prepare you […]

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I married my stalker

True story. Not really, but kind of. Take a seat for this one, because you’re about to read the most painfully modern-Cinderella story that ever was (but without the happy ever after, because no one likes those people). So it was Halloween. I was suffering from onset psychosis after a bout of tonsillitis left me […]

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