When it’s not your family dressing up insults as compliments (you look well – I mean, you look healthy. Rounded in the face. You understand?), you can always rely on first dates to quash your self-esteem.
With Christmas and weight-gain just around the corner, I’ve rounded up my top ten backhanded compliments to prepare you for the New Year.
1. “If I was in a bar I’d normally go for the pretty blonde, but you were funny so I thought, why not?”
2. “I’d never meet anyone if I didn’t give people a chance. Think of it like this, you’re the ordinary and I’m the extraordinary.”
3. “I feel bad you’ve made an effort. I had a look through your Facebook photos and thought you dressed quite ‘boyish’, so I didn’t want to dress up too much.”
4. “Yes you have a big bum and thighs, but I like the whole ‘curvy girls’ thing.”
5. “I love that you’re wearing that coat; not many girls would be brave enough to wear something like that. You’re obviously very self-assured.”
6. “I mean personally I wouldn’t get a tattoo because I don’t like them and I find them quite tacky. Yours are cool though.”
7. “I’d describe my type as Italian: leggy, with dark eyes and long hair. I think it’s good you’re not necessarily my type.”
8. “You could eat most men under the table. It’s impressive.”
9. “You look really hot in that photo. Was it taken a while ago? Your boobs were huge.”
10. “I’m looking forward to spending more time with you. When you’re comfortable together the sex starts to get really good.”
If you enjoyed that (or even if you didn’t), please vote for me in the UK Blog Awards. I need the validation.
Images via Giphy.