Cruel to be Kind or Just Cruel? 

You know those relatives that seem to have no filter to the socially uncouth? The ones who have an outstanding ability to casually insult an entire community in just a few sentences? Well, I have a lot of those.

Although their opinion is never sought after, they’ll be sure to share it with you as soon as you walk in a room. Fortunately I’m thick-skinned (or fat-skinned as my Grandma likes to remind me), so I know their insults are well-intentioned, however unkind they may seem.

So like a therapy session with comical intent, I thought there’d be no better way to overcome my family-related demons than sharing some of their most ruthless insights with my limited online readership:

“Even if you were anorexic, you’d still have a double chin.”

“You’ve over-plucked your eyebrows.”

“Your eyebrows need plucking.”

“Are you sure you want to wear those jeans…? Are they meant to look that tight?”

“No man will ever want you, you’re just too faddish.”

“Do you really need those biscuits?”

“Look at her waddling along with that big bum!”

“You look better with a little makeup. Only naturally beautiful girls can get away with none.”

“You could do with losing a little more weight on those thighs.”

“Is that you in that photo?! I thought it was a little boy!”

“You’re too opinionated for a man. They don’t like that.”

“Wasn’t I beautiful at your age? I bet you wish you were that beautiful.”

“You look horrible, your skin’s almost green.”

“You’re like a hobbit.”

“You need to wear things that flatter your figure.”

“God you’ve got ugly feet!”

“Can’t you find a man that will stick around for more than five minutes?”

“The last thing you need is more chocolate.”

“Get away from the chocolate!”

“What have you done to yourself? You look hideous.”

“Congratulations on passing all your exams but couldn’t you have tried a little harder?”

“I think you should come to the gym with me.”

“My bum doesn’t wobble half as much as yours does.”

“That’s a nice outfit. Are you working the streets tonight?”

“It’s not fair for you to date a tall man. If you have children, you might have a freakishly small boy.”

“Look at all your ear-piercings… You look like a gypsy.”

“You’re going to end up an old spinster at the rate you’re going.”

“The cat doesn’t love you.”

“You look like your father.”

But where would I be without them? Perhaps a happier place, but certainly one lacking in a sense of humour. So thank you to my fabulous family for making me into the fat-skinned and sassy woman I adore.

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@PippaBugg

Images via Giphy.

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Relationships, controversial ramblings and ongoing internal feuds - this is an uncensored account of a twenty-something's mind.

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